That is the question that has plagued my mind for a few months. For most of my teen years I figured I wouldn't start dating until college. This was never very hard because no one even expressed any interest in me. However, by this summer I knew it would be quite hard to keep from dating this year. I read I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris (an excellent book by the way, no matter what your views on dating are) and I became somewhat determined to keep from moving beyond "just friends." But in December I was bombarded with the most romantic thing I could have imagined (ask me about it sometime if you don't know what I'm talking about) and I was forced to decide whether I should date. I prayed really hard for a couple weeks. (I had already been praying about it, but not so urgently.) At first my prayers were like, "God, I don't know what to do. How can I tell him that I can't date? Or should I actually consider dating?" It wasn't until exactly one month ago that my thought process changed and I started seriously praying, "Do you want me to date? Please tell me what is best for me to do, because I don't know. I will date if you tell me to. I will say no if you tell me to." As I prayed about it, I started to realize that dating could be good for us, if we kept God at the center. And so on December 23 I went on my first date, and today I said yes to going to prom. (eee, exciting!) But I still pray about whether this is what God wants us to do.
I've wanted for a while to post "My Reasons for Not Dating." I wrote it over a year ago, and looking back at it I see some really good points, and I also realize some were a little naive. But I think it's good even for people who are dating to look at things like this and make sure their relationship is good and God-honoring. So, following in the footsteps of my brother, I guess I'll give my reasons for not dating even though I am dating. Read with an open mind.
My Reasons for Not Dating- 9/5/041. Dating should be solely to find a husband/wife. There is very little chancwe of me finding my hsuband in high school and even if I did, we would have no place to take the relationship because so much of our lives are still unknown and we would be too young to even consider marriage. 2. Dating takes too much time. I am already too busy to do all the things I want to do. i should use this time I am single to grow closer to God, figure out exactly who I am, and prepare for my future career. 3. There's a good chance my relationship with him could take priority over any of my other relationships--even my relationship with Jesus. That's just plain wrong. 4. Dating would result in heartbreak. Yes, I know there are some lucky coulples who stay together from junior high to a long happy marriage, but most people aren't that lucky the first time. I have seen people break up after months or years together and it's always hard for one or both people. Even for those that do stay together, there are conflicts and complications in their relationships that are hard to get through. And the longer a couple stays together, the harder it is for them to stay pure--physically nad mentally. Which brings me to my next point. 5. I will stay sexually pure until marriage. Yes, I know a lot of dating couples don't have sex before marriage, but that doesn't necessarily mean they are sexually pure. There may be lust and temptations to go to "the next level" and it only gets harder as the relationship progresses. There may be tension between the two about how far they should go. Often, dating couples do more touching than talking. I don't want that. Even for the strongest Christians, the temptation will come, and I want to be like Joseph who ran as fast as he could from temptation. 6. You ask "How will you ever find someone to marry if you don't date?" Friendships. Friends don't have to look and act perfect around each other. They can be themselves and really get to know the other person. I don't need to date to get to know a guy. 7. I will not date until I have a pretty good idea that this is someone I could marry. I need to know his heart--know where he stands with God and if our personalities work together--before I get too close to him. There is no point going into a relationship where marriage isn't part of the plan. 8. I need to trust God's timing. Sometimes I feel like I should have a boyfriend, but God hasn't given me the opportunity. If he doesn't drop it in my lap, he probably has better things for me now. When he decides to, he will send my prince charming to me. I won't even have to search for him. I should trust God with every part of my life. He created romance and if I wait for his timing he will give me a more romantic love story than I could have imagined. [8.5] I have seen people depressed about not having a boy/girlfriend. 'Why me?" consumes their mind and they are never happy with the good lives they have. This is one of Satan's weapons! Satan wants you to feel sorry for yourself. He wants you to be angry at, or better yet, ignore God. He wants you to be so desperate for that feeling of love that you will fall for anyone. I wish Christians would wake up and accept the lot God has given them instead of taking charge and dating people who God doesn't intend for them to marry. 9. Divorce rates are rising. Why? Because the psychology for teens growing up is "Just have fun. if it doesn't work out, just break up." I know people don't go into marriage thinking, "Let's see how long we can go without divorcing," but these people aren't equipped for a long-lasting relationship. When they're dating, if they have a big fight, it's over. They don't feel the need to try to make up. So they don't get the practice of reconciling after a fight or communicating clearly in a misunderstanding. It carries on into marriage and couples have a lot of trouble when they come to such conflicts.Also, the dating secne is all about impressions. People don't tell each other the whole truth and don't show each other their true selves. They try extra hard to look perfect and don't show their faults. in marriage, you can't hide these things. So those who never got to know their spouse as a friend before marriage are going to find this isn't the same person they fell in love with. If you first get to know someone as a friend and spend your time together talking instead of touching, you will know their true self and you will get used to solving conflicts. 10. This kind of goes along with that. Dating is very often staarted by a fist impression of attraction. But beauty doesn't count for much and neither does talent. If a relationship is based on attraction alone, it will not last. It just can't. There is so much more to love than what you get from a first impression. True love at first sight simply isn't possible. It's not bad to be attracted to someone. it just shouldn't be the only realon for dating. 11. Dating won't satisfy you. No human relationship can satisfy that deep longing inside to be loved. Many people go into relationships expecdting that the emptiness iniside them will be filled. I don't deny that it helps to have a loving relationship, but no one except God can fill that void inside you. God is the only one who makes us complete. I believe the main reason God gave us the gifts of romance, marriage, and sex was to show an analogy of his love for us. Just as a man and woman gecome one in marriage, God wants us to become one with him. Jesus is crazy in love with each one of us. It will be the most romantic thing ever when Jesus finishes building our future home and comes back to sweep us off our feet and take us to live in an intimate relationship with him forever.So, I got a little off the subject. But my point is, if any relationship becomes greater than your relationship with God, it will not sxtaisfy you, but it will hurt you. Looking back on those reasons, I had to admit that if I'm keeping Christ at the center of the relationship, most of these are not really concerns. I realized that dating can actually be good. Still, I wasn't sure if it was the best course of action. I've been "anti-dating" for so long, and I've seen so many people stunble because of dating relationships. During Christmas break as I wrestled with what I was doing, I stumbled upon a little added section in my bible titled "Making Choices About Sensitive Issues." It was a list of questions based on verses from 1 Corinthians 9 and 10. This helped me a lot, and I hope you can take something from it in making your own tough decisions.
If I choose one action over another...-Does it help my witness for Christ? (1 Cor. 9:19-22)
-Am I motivated by a desire to help others know Christ? (9:23, 10:33)-Does it help me to do my best? (9:25)
-Is it against a specific command in scripture and would thus cause me to sin? (10:12)-Is it the best and most beneficial course of action? (10:22,33)
-Am I thinking only of mmyself, or do I truly care about the other person? (10:24)
-Am I acting lovingly or selfishly? (10:28-31)
-Does it glorify God? (10:31)-Will it cause someone else to sin? (10:32)I decided to go ahead and date because I felt God was saying that as long as I kept seeking his guidance as I had been doing, this relationship would bring him glory. It still feels weird to think I'm actually dating, and I still don't think dating is always a good idea. I've seen a lot of Christians fall into unhealthy relationships. If God is not at the center, and if the couple isn't praying about it, the relationship will fail. So, I guess just take what you can from what I've written.
