Complacency

Last week a friend told me that a certain guy in my grade had called me a religious zealot. I was pretty surprised to hear this because I don't have any classes with this guy and have never had a religious conversation with him in my life. I don't know the context of the conversation--whether he was offended by something or just making an observation--so I'm not sure what to think of this. When I got home from school I looked up zealot:
a. One who is zealous, especially excessively so.
b. A fanatically committed person.
Zealous is defined as "marked by active interest and enthusiasm" or enthusiastic, fervent, ardent, passionate, obsessed, devoted...wild-eyed (yeah, that sounds like me)
So at first I was feeling pretty good about this. This is what I wanted--to be seen as someone who's passionate about God. I was going to write a blog about how Christians are afraid to be zealous but that's what God has called us to. And certainly that's true. But just being seen as a good Christian or a "religious zealot" isn't the point. That's not what we should strive for. I'm sure a lot of the Pharisees were seen as religious zealots, but like Jesus said, they were like whitewashed tombs--looking good on the outside, but everything inside is dead, ugly, and rotting.
I'm really good at looking like a super Christian. I don't fall for the obvious sins, like lying, cheating, gossiping, saying God's name in vain. And I shouldn't. I've had many years to mature and grow in Christ and I'm not tempted toward those things very often. And I've learned to be more bold in my faith. I write essays on Christian topics and use Christian themes in my art projects. I wear Christian t-shirts and invite people to Christian events. I even lead the swim team in prayer and devotions. These things might lead a person to think I'm pretty zealous in my faith. But these are all actions. These don't deal much with my heart or with my relationship with God. And if my heart isn't in the right place, I'm living like the Pharisees.
It's not that I'm trying to impress people. And it's not that I've been trying to hide sin inside. I just haven't been as zealous as people might think.
Today finally reopened my Bible after several days of being "too busy for devotions." I started praying and I saw the names of some friends on a prayer list. I hadn't prayed for them for a while. In fact I hadn't prayed for much of anything lately except for my concerns for my own life and my friend's surgery. I had been so focused on myself that I hadn't even thought about these nonchristian friends.
I know they aren't Christians. I know that what they believe is lies. I know that if they don't find the true Christ they will go to hell. And yet I sit with them at lunch every day and don't say a word to keep them from this impending doom. Why? My first thought was fear. Maybe I'm just afraid of rejection or of complicating their contented lives. This would be ridiculous--I should be much more afraid of what will happen if no one talks to them about Christ. But I don't think fear is even the issue. I think I've been so focused on myself that I haven't even cared about them. I haven't even thought about them. I've been striving to excel in school and swimming and music and art, and trying to look good on the outside. I've been putting a lot into relationships, so much that I push Christ out. And all the while I've been feeling pretty good about myself, taking in all the compliments about my writing, art, swimming, and I was pretty proud of myself when I was called a religious zealot.
God, save me from this complacency! I've lost the concern for unbelievers' souls. I've been striving for the wrong things. I've missed the point, lost the plot of my life. Time with you has been at the bottom of my priority list and our conversations have been pretty onesided as I don't take the time to listen. Help me not to be satisfied with the way I am but to strive to give you more control. Help me to have genuine concern for the people around me. Help me to focus on you, talk to you, and listen to you. Help me to live for your purposes, not mine.
These thoughts bring a song to mind. We talked about this song at Lake Bronson at our youth group retreat right before Chris (the youth director) moved. The words are pretty deep, and the song is kind of long, but take what you can from it.

Lost the Plot
By Steve Taylor, Peter Furler
When you come back again
Would you bring me something from the fridge?
Heard a rumor that the end is near,
But I just got comfortable here.
Sigh.Let's be blunt.
I'm a little distracted.What do you want?
Headaches and bad faith
Are all that I've got.
First I misplaced the ending,
Then I lost the plot.
Out among the free-range sheep
While the big birds sharpen their claws.
For a time we stuck with the shepherd,
But You wouldn't play Santa Claus.
Sigh.Let's be blunt.
We're a little distracted.What do you want?
Once we could follow.Now we cannot.
You would not fit our image,
So we lost the plot.
Once we could hear You,
Now our senses are shot.
We've forgotten our first love.
We have lost the plot. Lost the plot.
When I saw You for the first time,
You were hanging with a thief.
And I knew my hands were dirty,
And I dropped my gaze.
Then You said I was forgiven
And You welcomed me with laughter.
I was happy ever after
I was counting the days
When You'd come back again.
We'll be waiting for You.
When You comin' back again?
We'll be ready for You.
Maybe we'll wake up when
You come back again.
Lies. Let's be blunt.
We're a little unfaithful.
What do you want?
Are you still listenin',
'Cause we're obviously not.
We've forgotten our first love.
We have lost the plot.
And why are You still calling?
You forgave, we forgot.
We're such experts at stalling
That we've lost the plot.